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Whose Valentine’s Day is it Anyway?

Updated: Mar 24, 2019

Inadequacy is a major fear among Adult Children of Divorce. And for guys (right or wrong) few things bring out the feeling of inadequacy more than dealing with females.

Anyone who saw the movie Inside Out remembers the teenage boy at the end who bumps into the female main character and suffers a brain shutdown. It’s so funny, because it’s so true.

Cindy and Steve Wright’s weekly message from Marriage Missions International reminded me that Valentine’s Day can be a high stakes test of adequacy—not just for guys, but for gals as well. Cindy explains:

“I’ll never forget when God showed…an “ah hah” moment for me. We were sitting in a posh restaurant, and I was straining to see Steve and the food set before me. They had the lights turned down so low (to set a romantic mood) that even the lit candles on our table weren’t enough for me to see much. I’m struggling along, and then suddenly reality hit me. This was stupid.

Why were we struggling to eat a meal we couldn’t afford –that wasn’t that great anyway, straining to see our food & each other in a crowded, noisy place?

It’s because THAT’S the way the media and others presents that we should celebrate that day –going out to a nice restaurant, buying each other expensive gifts. And I/we went along with it.”

Cindy goes on to recommend that we need to mold Valentine’s Day to fit us, not a Hollywood created mold. But how can we do this?

Guys, ask your wife what she’d like to do for the special day this year and then do it as a gift of love for her. (And wives, TELL HIM when he asks! Don’t make Him guess.)

Likewise, wives ask him what would make the day special for him. If he gives you the “of course that’s what he wants” look, then make that time extra special. Valentine’s Day should be a time of loving each other their way. Paul said it this way, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” *

The beauty of making Valentine’s Day an open book test instead of a midterm exam is it builds important communication and can infuse your relationship with the love, security, and adequacy you both need. So go for it!

If you still want starter ideas for customizing your Valentine’s Day, check out Cindy and Steve Wright’s website at

* Ephesians 5:33, NLT

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